The Assassin's Blade broke my heart!

Warning: This post WILL contain spoilers. Please read the following text at your expense and risk.

Yes, my heart is broken.

For starters, I’d like to thank Tânia for encouraging me to begin this journey. I started reading The Assassin’s Blade with the skepticism of who listens so many different opinions about a book series.

Initially I clashed with Celaena’s personality. I thought her to be arrogant and cocky, but soon I came to consider her personality interesting because it iis what makes her different from other characters that I’ve come to know.

In The Assassin and The Pirate Lord I felt that Ben’s death and the rescue of his body could have been more explored, since he was someone important to Celaena. In this story, one of the most pleasant surprises was the changing in Sam and Celaena’s relationship.

In the beginning they show us that they have a strong rivalry. Celaena is considered to be the best Adarlan’s assassin and she is Arobynn Hamel’s- the king of assassins- protégé. Sam is also described as being a good assassin, but he competes with our hero for Arobynn’s praise.

As the story develops, Celaena and Sam become allies to destroy Arobynn and Rolfe’s- Lord of Pirates- plans to negotiate slaves. Celaena figures out their plan and, despite worshipping the man who took her in, she despises the idea of treating humans like objects to sell to the highest bidder. With Sam’s help they try to free the slaves. At this point, I started to respect these two characters for a couple different reasons:

1.  They were able of refusing following orders that would affect the other, even if it meant go against their líder and role model. They recognized he was wrong.
2. They overcame their rivalry for a greater good, something very positive.

In The Assassin and The Healer we are faced with a bitter Celaena. She was rejected and hurted by her master, Arobynn. He was mad with his pupils’ interference in his dirty business, so he punished them, specially Celaena.

At the same time, in this story we meet Yrene Towers, a girl who works at the filthy inn where Celaena is staying. She wishes to become a healer just like her late mother, but her lack of money obliged her to take that miserable job. This character develops an interest towards Celaena and due to na attack she suffers, soon they develop a sort of friendship that leads to our main character help Yrene to pursue her dream.

This story wasn’t the most interesting, honestly. I thought that all it made was to help me sympathize more with Celaena and prove that although her arrogance, she is very self-assured and, deep down, kind. Now I’m reading Tower of Dawn, and my opinion is slightly different.

The Assassin and The Desert is, in my opinion, where Celaena grows as a character. The assassin moves toward her final destination (still Arobynn’s punishment) to a sort of an assassin’s shelter where they develop skills. Her goal is to be trained by the Mute Master and get a recomendation letter. This way she can go back to the Guild, in Rifthold.

While the action develops, Celaena struggles with the memories of when she was brutaly beaten by Arobynn, under Sam’s watch. She shows concern towards her friend’s well-being, afraid that himself had been hurted by their master.

Celaena makes new acquaintances and develops her skills, being trained by the Master.

My favorite part of this story was how compassionate Celaena was. Although she was betrayed by her new friend, she had the chance to kill her but choose not to do it. It might seem stupid, but some of you who have read the book might agree with me. That act made her get the letter that she needed and go back home.

On the other hand, despite not being active in the action, Sam became one of my favorite characters. 

Oh my dear Sam *swoons*

So, now you get my love for Sam.

Now this IS the part when I get messy and emotional.

One day I went to my Instagram feed and the first thing that popped out was a mega spoiler from The Assassin’s Blade.

Allow me to share it with you.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BfK7WrLBb4l/?taken-by=arz28

Aaaaand… I died inside.

I talked with Tânia about it and when she implied that it was going to happen in The Assassin’s Blade, I made the decision of not getting to attached to their relationship.

I tried.

And I failed miserably.

The Assassin and The Underworld is when things get serious. Celaena comes back very angry and plans to get away from Arobynn and gain her independence. However, Arobynn starts showering her with presents and apologies, making Celaena postpone her plan.

Celaena is sent on a mission to kill a man who, according to Arobynn, intends to sell slaves. Sam offers his help and their relationships develops to something more intense.

At some point the mission is concluded and my new OTP is born.

“I love you," he repeated, shaking her again. "I have for years. And he hurt you and made me watch because he's always know how I felt, too. But if I asked you to pick, you'd choose Arobynn, and I. Can't. Take. It.”

― Sarah J. Maas, The Assassin and the Underworld

Now life isn’t so simple anymore… The romance between them becomes one of the most importante points and, although Celaena is still the same bad ass girl as ever, and keeps her personality traits and ideals, she begins having another reason to make her choices.

That’s why, when she found out that Arobynn had deceived her and made her kill na innocent man who wanted to save the slaves, and even had the nerve of using Celaena’s money to buy Lysandra’s virginity, that she didn’t blinked twice and left the house, payed Sam’s debt and freed him too.

“And from today onward, I want to never be separated from you. Wherever you go, I go. Even if that means going to hell itself, wherever you are, that's where I want to be. Forever.”

- Sarah J Maas, The Assassin and The Underworld.

*another wonderful quote of Sam. Let’s cry together*

After the ending of this story I didn’t know if I wanted to keep reading. I already knew that Sam was going to die, but I didn’t want to read about it because I’d becoming really attached to his relationship with Celaena.

The Assassin’s Empire, the last story, was, indeed, very painful for me. Celaena and Sam are living together and, although they still have their occasional figths, they are in love. Both are making plans for their future, away from Rifthold and Arobynn (who’s still very present in their lives). However, money begins to scarce and, allied to Celaena’s luxurious life and unemployment, they are prevented for going far away from Riftfold. Celaena’s relutance in leaving that city where she lived for 8 years isn’t helpfull as well.

I only had to get to the second chapter do realize that it wouldn’t be easy to keep reading. There were many times that I thought I wasn’t capable, so I started to freak out. As if the fact that he was going to die wasn’t painful enough, he was also excited about starting a new life with his lover.

I took some time to think about it and soon enough I was crying my eyes out. I give all the credit do these sentences:

“I can wait," he said thickly, kissing her collarbone. "We have all the time in the world.”

― Sarah J. Maas, The Assassin's Empire

Again, I was being tortured by the knowledge of how wrong he was. When I finally calmed down, I decided that I had to put all the drama aside and finish the book once and for all.

Before I keep going, so you can understand how under my skin Sam’s death got, let me tell you that It’s not usual for me to cry so much while reading a book. Not usual at all. I get more emotionally envolved in a movie (because it feels more real to me, since I am watching real people in front of me, their facial expressions and I empathize more that way).

But it kept getting worse. Celaena’s reaction was so heartbreaking. The way she kept waiting for him, how she hopped he would come back at any moment, how she started to panic when he didn’t show up, when Arobynn told her what happened…
When she saw Sam on that table, completely broken.

Oh good God.

I was sobbing so much it was embarrassing.

Then she was so broken, so remorseful for not having said goodbye properly and told him that she loved him.

GAWD.

UGH THE FEELS.

I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I almost did. I closed the book and took deep breathes, then I opened it and moved on.

To when she went to try to get revenge. And ended up being captured. And latter she began her journey to Endovier.

“She would tuck Sam into her heart, a bright light for her to take out whenever things were darkest.”

― Sarah J. Maas, The Assassin's Blade

“My name is Celaena Sardothien," she whispered, "and I will not be afraid.”

― Sarah J. Maas, The Assassin's Blade

Overall, The Assassin’s Blade was an emotional rollercoaster, and a part of me is still recovering from it….